jueves, enero 26, 2006
hey,i should tell you that i had a very great time with a friend.well, thats a first since the time i was left alone in the darkness by a former chum.
well, this day wasn't a bonkers and definitely wouldn't be thrown into the loner's bin. actually, i have certain reasons to make this day qualify for the "top ten happiest days in my life" [well, at least, since i started college.] first and foremost, i received a love letter. yah, from my dad [isn't he sweet?]. then i got my allowance..hehe, wanna have some shopping spree[boink!]. afterwards, i had a great timwe with a friend..[yah, that was the hugest reason for this bliss]. we just ate some porridge and coffee[for her] and icedtea[for me]. simple yet i was really overwhelmed with this great surge of happiness. well, it wasn.t always that i meet someone who would make you feel like you really belong and you're not just a nobody.she's really somethin. well, most of the time, we were talkin and launchin the most care free talk. we stayed in the school caf for about two hours, talkin our life away...not mindin the janitor sweepin on our places, the sky that keeps on darkenin and the swarm of mosquitoes that keeps on drainin our blood out of us. we practically talked like there would be no tomorrow.[an understatement.haha]
well, the main point of tellin you this is because i wanna point out that i FINALLY, finally 'met my crowd'. at least, thats what i think and feel..i don't have reservations whenever im with them. don't have pretensions[not that im always pretendin.nah] i don't have to feel uncomfortable every now and then. don't have to think about how to respond and act.i always feel good. rarely was a time that you would see me frownin in agony and angst. everythin is coming and flowing out naturally[as natural as breathin,yeah.] now, who wouldn't want to treasure that?
now, i could say that im with my right crowd..(*,*)
viernes, enero 20, 2006
know what, in kinda havin a good time nowadays.now, thats something.
well, with drew and camile, schoolworks have become easier. hey, im not yet talkin about the serious-bestfriend type of relationship but im gald to tell you that im really havin a good time with them.. im actually takin care of this because i don't want to regret anythin in the end [ like what had happend in the past.]... but im still takin one step at a time...
anyway, thats just the intro of what ive gotta tell you.. well, i hadnt logged in this past few days because of a major hectic sked.. well, hanggang ngayon pa rin naman... asa pa na magbago.hai.tsk.tsk.
wanna take a look at my calendar? suit yourself...
today, ive got my first dept in math 11.goodluck to me.
ive got to pass my working bibliography.another goodluck because i still have none..
ive got to pass a major paper for histo 2..ahh, just finished.
got three classes to attend, actually, dalawa na lang. absent ako dun sa isa.
what? ayaw mo na... well, good for you to stop intervining in my sked...
guess, gotta say ass off. am late for my next class..
martes, enero 03, 2006
i think i owe it to you to know the emotional turmoil i had gone through.which, i think, could explain my behavior regarding the chum i loved...
*****my friend, she was great..but i have this insane phobia with her kinds.i don't know how to treat them..arrgg, i told you, it is nutty.. this phobia[as i had put it] started way back my sophomore year in highschool. it was inflicted by a girl who i treated as a friend but left me without much farther ado. it happened like this:
transferee ako dito sa bagong school. well, lahat kami ay transferee, actually. masasabi mo na mga pioneer students kami doon. sa unang araw ng klase, may nakilala ako. galing sya sa isang all-girls-school. wala naman akong nakitang problema doon.. we had been friends for a month. kaming dalawa lang ang laging magkasama.. then dumating yung time na kailangan ko umalis at di pumasok for a wek.. she knew it and i thouht she understood me.. well, aun, pagbalik ko, wala na kong kaibigan. iniwan na niya ako, ipinagpalit sa ibang barkada.. wlang sulat o paliwanag.. i was hurt, terribly hurt. naisip ko na lang na baka boring ako kaya niya ako iniwan.; baka hindi siya sanay sa mga kagaya ko, hindi niya gusto ang ugali ko, at kung anu-ano pa..
since then, di ko na alam kung paano makikitungo sa mga katulad nila...yeah, insane, nutty, batty thing to think and act but i couldn't help it.. always, naiisip ko na baka nabobore na siya sa akin, baka may magawa ako na ikagalit niya or baka nacocornyhan siya... arrgghh, it was a helpless matter.. now, im miserable as ever.. i want the old times back..yeah, im feelin sorry for myself.
geez, i am hopeless..i had fun when i was with her.. but ...she's gone...
as i had told you before, there is this girl i love [as a friend, anyway].. well, i remember that i also told you it was for real, i mean, i really did.. but then, i had figured that it was a lost battle.. so stopped thinking bout her and bout the seemed-to-be-problem i created to myself.. i just let her go, thinking that she is already happy with her current companions. she was great and i thought she deserves the break [break from what?well, i dont know, myself]...
well, now, i must admit that it was me who drove her away. i did it without really knowing what i was doing. it thisrealization came too late. . .
Yah..right.new year it is..should it mean new me? no, not at all.
im definitely the same old dana or cami everyone had known for ages.
yah. i dont think there's something in me that i should change. or i could change..
well, old habits are hard to change..