martes, enero 03, 2006
i think i owe it to you to know the emotional turmoil i had gone through.which, i think, could explain my behavior regarding the chum i loved...
*****my friend, she was great..but i have this insane phobia with her kinds.i don't know how to treat them..arrgg, i told you, it is nutty.. this phobia[as i had put it] started way back my sophomore year in highschool. it was inflicted by a girl who i treated as a friend but left me without much farther ado. it happened like this:
transferee ako dito sa bagong school. well, lahat kami ay transferee, actually. masasabi mo na mga pioneer students kami doon. sa unang araw ng klase, may nakilala ako. galing sya sa isang all-girls-school. wala naman akong nakitang problema doon.. we had been friends for a month. kaming dalawa lang ang laging magkasama.. then dumating yung time na kailangan ko umalis at di pumasok for a wek.. she knew it and i thouht she understood me.. well, aun, pagbalik ko, wala na kong kaibigan. iniwan na niya ako, ipinagpalit sa ibang barkada.. wlang sulat o paliwanag.. i was hurt, terribly hurt. naisip ko na lang na baka boring ako kaya niya ako iniwan.; baka hindi siya sanay sa mga kagaya ko, hindi niya gusto ang ugali ko, at kung anu-ano pa..
since then, di ko na alam kung paano makikitungo sa mga katulad nila...yeah, insane, nutty, batty thing to think and act but i couldn't help it.. always, naiisip ko na baka nabobore na siya sa akin, baka may magawa ako na ikagalit niya or baka nacocornyhan siya... arrgghh, it was a helpless matter.. now, im miserable as ever.. i want the old times back..yeah, im feelin sorry for myself.
geez, i am hopeless..i had fun when i was with her.. but ...she's gone...